The ‘You have to’ Myth


All my life has been fulfilled with: “but you have to”.

You have to go to school today. You have to go and talk with your cousins. You have to go say “hi” to your uncle – even that you have no idea who that person is, because you’re only 8 years old and saw that person once in your life.

You have to dress in a certain way, because that’s what is expected from you. You have to choose a career when you’re just 17 years old…like what? Why? And how?

You have to eat your greens. You have to be attracted to a certain type of people, why? Because you have to, in order to feel included.

You have to speak in a certain way, not too soft, but not too harsh. You have to dislike what you like, and like what you dislike. Why? I guess to be part of something. But, is that “something” what you really want to become your thing?

You have to go to work, even if you’re tired of it. Why? Because you have to pay your bills. Well…fair point, isn’t it? You have to have everything sorted by the age of…hmm 35, maximum. You have to get married and throw a big party, so you can share this “big moment” with those you love. Ah! And you have to have kids too, and you must have them before your 30th.

You have to be good 100% of the time, even if you need to fake it. You have to always be nice and kind – and please, do not forget about that. You have to understand that your dreams are just dreams, it doesn’t mean it will happen one day.

You have to read more. You have to do yoga. And you have to drink a detox shake and go to the gym every morning. Why? I mean…are you not following the Kardashians?

You have to take care of your youngest siblings. You have to fail in order to succeed. You have to keep going, even when all you want it’s just to slow down a little bit. You have to keep talking; silence is not welcoming. You have to be okay with the street noise at night time, and you have to be friendly with your neigbhours.

You have to pay your bills on time. You have to have the newest version of this phone. Why? I mean, it has 2 more cameras than the older version, so it must be worth it, right?

You have to go to therapy. You have to swallow your pain, and put a smile on your face, so people won’t know that you’re hurt. You have to help others, but be understandable when people are not there for you. You have to cry when you feel the urgent to do so, but you have to face it all alone. Why? You know why, people hate dramas, at least that’s what they say.

Another painful thing that people say, is that: You have to hide parts of yourself sometimes, in order to make friends, or to be part of a group. Why? Honestly? I don’t even know why, I just do it, we all do it. And I guess the reason for that, is because one day someone told me (told us) that “You have to”. But do we really want to?

You know. It’s tricky for me to understand, when and why, we all stopped to care about what’s really inside ourselves and started caring more about what the rest of the world judges to be the best for us. I mean, shouldn’t be me the owner of my own life?

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